Chelsea Handler's Got Nothing (Eh, Everything) on Me

The other day I was talking to a friend about relationships and frisbee golf.  He mentioned that he thought my blog was boring.  He read half way through but had to stop because he lost interest.  He said I needed to write more like Chelsea Handler.  That I would catch more people's attention if I talked about being lonely, how long it's been since my last kiss (or whatever) or complained about the attention thriving girls that catch all the boys running around downtown.  It took me three days to figure out how to address my first blog complaint and I've come to the conclusion that Chelsea Handler is a million times better at making awkward situations or sexual topics funny. 

Honestly, there are times I'm quite inappropriate and try to make awkward situations funny but I'll keep those embarrassing antics for my closest friends for now.  [I know exactly who's rolling their eyes and baring a slight grin right now].

In an attempt to keep my friend somewhat interested in my blog I debated between writing about risque  topics like Chelsea Handler, bacon and football.  After writing, deleting, writing and deleting a few times I decided this is my blog and I will stick to writing about the numerous thoughts being thrown around in my head. 

That's not to say I couldn't write countless blog entries on football.  Really, why won't those cheating Saints just pay Brees what he wants?  He's a stud!

Anyways, this week I stumbled upon an article about the connection between sex and cannibalism with some spiders and praying mantises.  Mating is a very scientific and sometimes deadly task for some spider and praying mantis species.  Can you imagine a world that the small and scrawny males were risking their lives for sex or that females were dealt with the choice of eating their most recent mating partner?  I bet MTV would come up with a really great reality show that would blow "Jersey Shore" out of the water with that material.  A study found (Full story here) that the connection between sex and death with praying mantises may come down to nothing more in depth than the male's hunger for sex and just how hungry the female is.  Hungry females were more likely to eat their most recent mating partner and males were more likely to risk their lives for sex if they were in a dry spell.  In nature, sex led to death 16% of the time with praying mantises.  A 16% survival rate isn't bad when compared to the orb-web spider's chances of survival after mating.  The male orb-web spider is almost always eaten by the female after they mate.  The male has two opportunities to mate and can do so with the same spider or two lucky ladies.  Each time he mates, a "detachable penis" (there's actually a much more scientific term) falls off and he can no longer mate.  Ouch! 

Spider sex and praying mantis sex.  That's as close to Chelsea Handler esque as I am willing to share with the world wide web right now.  It's only blog number four and I'm throwing around some thoughts on sex and cannibalism in nature so I wouldn't count anything out just yet.  For the time being, I'll keep the humorous sex topics and blunt comments to Chelsea Handler but hopefully the "detachable penis" was painfully interesting enough for my blog critiquing pal.
                                                                                    
                                                                                        Funny and gorgeous. I love Chelsea Handler!